Someone once told me that the type of music a
society listens to is a reflection of that society;
therefore the chaotic music that has in recent
time rented the Nigerian airwaves is a pure
reflection of the chaotic state the country is in.
It looks like in the history of Nigerian music,
2014 has the highest rate of bad, garbage music
being churned out. From watered down lyrics
that do not correlate, to singing different songs
on same beat, the state of the industry leaves
much to be desired. Mind you, this
cankerworm of garbage music is also eating
deep into the fabric of the international music
scene. Each time a song or video of the likes of
‘ilovemakonnen’, ‘ Nicki Minaj ’ and so on comes
up on my airwaves, I just can’t! It’s really sad
that the good sounds, with good messages don’t
make it to the mainstream anymore.
Nigerians, like the rest of the world appear to
care more about catchy beats rather than good
message.
Below are my top 10 picks of worst hit songs of
the year 2014. You may or may not agree with
me though. Some of you may also need to listen
to these songs carefully to understand my
points well…
10. Hakuna Mata by KCee
This song is senseless from the word go!
He started like this ‘Five star music, E money,
Its Kcee labalo’. What is ‘KCee Lobalo’? Is
‘Lobalo’ French or Spanish?
In another part of the song, he said ‘Cecilia
bum bum, cecilia bum bum, Shebi na your bum
bum, cecilia bum’. I don’t know what’s with
Cecilia’s bum bum o..
Most part of the song also goes like this..’Oya
whine ni ni whine ni ni Whine ni ni for me oh,
Oya shake e ni, shake e ni, Shake e ni for me
oh, Oya whine ni ni whine ni ni, Whine ni ni
for me oh,
Oya shake e ni shake e ni,
Shake e ni for me oh’.
Somewhere, he said ‘Oya Jikere, baby???’…
As if that wasn’t enough, he also repeats this
severally;
‘Oya baby no wahala, If you need anything just
hala, I be monkey you be banana..’
Hellooo, did he just call himself a monkey???…
Then in the middle of these discordant lyrics,
this monkey will jump to the lame chorus
‘Hakuna Matata, Hakuna mata, Baby No
Wahala’ repeatedly.
9. Story For The Gods By Olamide
Here is a song I wish would quickly go away.
Beautiful rhythm, but this song glorifies rape
and abuse of women in all its entirety. Story
for the gods is all about getting loaded with
local aphrodisiac(Dongoyaro,Monkey Tail and
Claro), then going ahead to having a forceful
carnal knowledge of a lady. The phrase ‘Story
for the gods’ (means to refuse to listen, deaf
ears etc) Let’s take a look…
CHORUS:
Mo ti mu dongoyaro, dongoyaro, dongoyaro
And monkey tail, monkey tail, monkey tail
Aro bami gbe claro, claro o, claro o(Olamide is
saying that he is high on those Aphrodisiac)
I want to do sina today, sina today(sina means
fornication)
She said she cannot wait o(the girl wants to go
home)
She said its getting late o(it’s getting late)
She said she want to faint o
Ah, story for the gods(these last four lines
needs no explaining. Olamide refuses to listen
to her plea)
Now she saying mo r’ogo(she says she is
finished)
O ti kan mi l’apa o(he has broken my arms)
O ti kan mi l’eyin o(he has broken my back)
Story for the gods, the gods o( but Olamide
would have none of that!)
VERSE 1:
O my God insanity
See your back calamity
Girl I want to have it(ofcourse you know what
he wants to have)
Do I need your permit?(and he is invariably
saying that he doesn’t need her permission to
have it)
8. In my bed by Wizkid
It’s been long established that this song by
Wizkid is a total rubbish, which like the others
on this list parades lyrics and verses that have
no business whatsoever with one another. The
song na real Americana Wonder like he sang…
‘Americana wonder,The way you whine your
body Gimme thunder, I go follow you bumper
to bumper Girl, I go follow you bumper to
fender,’
(Na Wa o, your body gimme thunder, bumper
to fender.. Issorait)…
But the most fraudulent part of the song is
where Wizkid continues to sing about wanting
a girl’s body in his bed, and then suddenly
switched to hailing names of some popular
figures. You’d have thought he was trying to
invite them for a gangbang…
‘I want your body sleeping in my bed e, I want
your body sleeping in my bed e, You got me
going crazy, Oh girl I can’t explain it, Your
body so insane, Oh girl I can’t replace you.’
Some of the names he called..Agbaje eleniyan,
Fashola eleniyan,Tinubu eleniyan,Otedola
eleniyan,
Baruwa eleniyan, Aliko eleniyan, Saraki
eleniyan.
Then next is this part which always gives me
stomach ache, because I really don’t know what
‘serving a living God’ has to do with getting a
girl’s body in your bed and what blessing is
there to get…’…Oh blessing follow me
everywhere I go, I’m serving the living
God,And everywhere I go, all my people show
me love,
Just tell me the reason gan’
Ok, so what’s the reason gan sef? And on top of
all dis matter wey dey ground, wizkid believes
that he is amazing.
Hear him..’Oh anytime, they hear my song
They say I’m amazing gan’.
Well, it’s truly amazing that a small boy like
him can make so much money and stardom
with all that lyrical hogwash. Issorait!
7. Dorobucci by Mavins All-stars
This is probably the biggest hit of 2014. Don
Jazzy is a great producer no doubt, but he and
his artistes have a history of churning out
garbage. Dorobucci is so meaningless some
people began to doro-call it doro-occultic.
Doro bloody. .Doro
Doro doro do do doro….doro. Where I come
from in Oyo state, Doro is that rubber device
used in drawing up water from a well.
Unfortunately,this is a country where an
artiste will just wake up early in the morning
and find out that PHCN has brought back
power supply, then out of joy he’ll dash
straight to the studio to record a song about UP
NEPA! He’ll call that an inspiration. Even Don
Jazzy himself is yet to come out straight about
the meaning of Doro, because the truth is that
it has no meaning. A lot of people are speaking
well of the maturity of Davido ‘s song because
the boy knows well to pay for the services of
professional songwriters.
6. Shoki by Lil Kesh
I hated this song for a very long time, however
I had no choice but to like it after people won’t
stop playing it everywhere I go. Even the NBC
ban did absolutely nothing to stop people from
rocking this song which had the artiste mostly
screaming ‘Shoki Ahhh Shoki’. Davido however
disappointed me this time around for
accepting to feature in this kind of song. He
ended up chanting the rubbish shoki along with
the YBNL crew in the remix.
Hear him;’Oya show me shoki, shoki shoki,
everybody shoki, shoki shoki, and the request
say shoki, shoki shoki, everybody shoki, shoki
shoki, oya show me shoki, shoki shoki,
everybody shoki, shoki shoki, oya shoki, shoki
shoki
shoki, shoki shoki… i am looking for that
shawty,
with the baddest shoki,
when everybody they shoki,
abi you still dey look for johnny, but if you get
case for body, the town will go make you the
shawty,david please don’t stop it,
i wanna see you drop it now,
for me now, on this ground
oya daun.’
Those are the words our generation is
digesting and we wonder why over 70% of
candidates failed the last private WAEC and
there is massive failure especially in English
Language.
By my rough count, there is a total of 200
‘Shoki ahh Shoki’ in this song!
5. Shake Body by Skales
Need I talk much about this one? You sef check
out part of the lyrics na…
‘ Oya shake body, Oya move body,Make you
ring alarm o, Oya shake body…Ah coupe decale
ma,Sagasige, Akilibre,Faro de ma,
Decale….decale, Krikata,Krikata,Krikata,
Krikata,Krikata,Krikata,
Krikata,Krikata,Pon pon,
Somunto….somunto,
Kalopere, Kalopere, Kalopere’
Now, what’s all that about???
4. Murder by Seyi Shay ft Shaydee &
Patoranking
If you listen to this song, even though it
featured Patoranking and Shaydee, all you will
hear for most part of the song is ‘She say she
wan murder, he say he wan murder, she say he
wan do that thing ye’ Do wetin? Murder
who??? You be Oscar Pistorius ? …
Now, checkout the lyrics of the Verse 2 of the
song where Patoranking came in again..
‘Stay close to me, baby girl come in here porn,
Give other girls resist, them fit hate on,
Member and you alone me rate hun, Even your
friends them fit hate on, Fire burning, Girl I’ll
keep you coming,Say you no go running, Every
time, girl you keep turning.’
That’s Patoranking, Nigeria’s best Reggae
singer at the moment? SMH!
3. Shekini by Psquare
There is a popular Yoruba proverb which says
that when a child is due for maturity, he/she
must put aside every childishness.
After many years and despite their A-list
status in the industry couple with their global
experience, the Psquare duo are obviously not
getting matured at all with the dissapointing
inclusion of the track ‘Shekini’ in their latest
album. I won’t speak too much, see the lyrics
yourself.
They started the song this way…
‘P-Square eh eh, Yahn ahn, (Allen [4x]), Yahn
ahn’
who is Allen for crying out loud?Then, they said ‘Lets go…Otu de, oya sare wa
gba kekere, kerewawo, Atu ti de, oya burukutu
make e sarabara owey, (Oya shekini ni ni ni ni
[3x]),Oya shekina na na na na.’ (And what is
‘Burukutu’ doing in there.)
Folks, don’t be fooled, the lyrics sounds like
Yoruba but it’s not correct Yoruba but a
mumbo-jumbo!
Another constant in the song is this verse; ‘I
get power (ah), me I no dey bother, (ehn ehn)
I no be footballer but I sabi budey Ronaldo,’
then they jump to this lyrics ‘Take it
(slow),Take it (free),
Alhaji (ehn ehn),Ehn ehn (listen),Take it (ahn),
Take it (orijo),Alhaji (okay)
Ehn ehn (hmm)’.
Who is this Alhaji? Well, maybe the Alhaji is
supposed to drink the burukutu they
mentioned above.
2. Ogaranya By Kcee ft Davido
Now, I’m sorry KCee has to be in this list a
second time. Personally, I’m kind of confused
about him. Maybe his music is not that
awkward. Maybe it’s his gesticulations/dance
steps in his videos, costumes or tone of his
singing voice or his general fashion sense that
is awkward and give off an impression of his
songs from that perspective. I’m yet to place a
finger on what it is. Most of the people I’ve
asked have mixed reactions as well. They
really’ can’t say. Ogaranya has a good meaning;
A rich person or something like that. Some
things are just wrong with part of the lyrics
and Davido once again rubbished his own brand
on this one. Check it out;
Intro (Davido)
‘A le le le le le le le le le le
On the beat is Del’B…
Its Davido,Kcee
Big Boy, E-money’
Now, even though there is a funny way they
keep repeating Ogaranya, I really don’t have a
problem with the Chorus which goes thus;
‘Everybody wanting to be a big
ogaranya,Nobody want to sit down dey look
ogaranya,Everybody wanting to be a big
ogaranya,Nobody want to sit down dey look
ogaranya, My God dey bless me, ogaranya
No be my fault o, ogaranya
Believing e no do o, ogaranya,Imaya heyyy…
Everybody like ogaranya,
Mama and papa e like ogaranya, The ladies like
ogaranya, That’s why them dey love me’
However, the next statement is what I really
don’t get…
‘The place is so cold, e dey follow, Dey for body
like logo’..(which place is he talking about?
Which place is so cold?)
Davido made it worse at the verse 2 as his
contribution does not relate at all. He sang..
‘Girl I want you to know, The way you see no
be so..???, E get as the thing dey go, So baby
you take am slow(Asin??) Shey na now you
dey notice,(notice wetin???) Abi u think I be
novice, You know say I know say you get it,
Money dey(I thought Davido is supposed to be
the Ogaranya and not the girl?), Oya make we
blow things’(now that is a Boko Haram alert.
Beware guys.)
1. Body by Black Magic ft Banky W
The song has now been edited. ‘Sex’ has been
replaced with ‘eh’ but the rest of the lyrics is
still as worse as the original. You can imagine
my embarrasment the first time I heard this
song on Channel O. You know how Naija
artistes like to cover up sexual explicitness
with slangs? This brazen artiste called
Blackmagic didn’t cover up anything. Lol.
Though the song was released in December
2013, I feel it’s as good as being a 2014 song
and should be on this list to show you how bad
the music industry has become and what your
children are listening to. Here is a part of the
song;
‘…So stop the fronting, Is what I told this
girl,And her body oh oh, Just wanna get next to
you, Just wanna have sex with you, I swear I
want this girl and her body o o’.
You na never see anything, continue..
‘1, 2, 3, Then begin 5, 4, I’m splitting a dozen
like 3, 5, 4,I am already sky high, but I need to
high more, And my dumb friend told me that I
need high malt Ewo.’…
(Did you see what this guy is singing? Isn’t he
as dumb as his dumb friends? Show me your
friends and I’ll tell you who you are).
See another one here…
‘Baby girl what’s cooking in the kitchen, I love
the way you smile, maybe we should start
kissing, Listen 30 seconds, then she takes a bra
missing, Turn into a small kitten, And after a
while we start gripping,
And after a while o she turns into a river, And
then I start fishing into her hot body, I begin to
start dipping, Her clothes just start missing’.
Hmm, Guys what more can I say? Behold, your
favourite music in 2014!
